urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05 emo diary bullshit emo diary bullshit 2004-10-25T20:26:11Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:25293 2004-10-25T20:26:11Z 2004-10-25T20:26:11Z ummm...<br />scraped my pipe the other day and the resin wiped off in one stroke. it was crazy.<br /><br />bought some weed. lot. good...<br /><br />i hate live journal now. its gay.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />PEACE urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:25059 2004-10-11T06:11:20Z 2004-10-11T06:11:20Z it's great to be forgetfull. i've found money 3 times in the past 2 days! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:24751 2004-10-10T17:12:22Z 2004-10-10T17:12:22Z thrice what the fuck is up with joshs mom vacuuming at 9 am RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY DOOR. Maybe she's trying to get back at us bc we've possibly woken her up late at night? Hey everyone, don't be anal, sleep with your door CLOSED and you won't be disturbed. FUCK! I can never sleep in! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:24503 2004-10-08T20:02:48Z 2004-10-08T20:02:48Z spa made me better ;) hopefully ill still be ok at work.<br /><br />seems like im screwing everything up. im just a screw up. i dunno what to do. so...ill just screw up more. yeah?<br /><br />jealousy. respect. trust. ISSUES. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:24246 2004-10-07T22:11:50Z 2004-10-07T22:11:50Z whoa i didnt even plan for any of that to happen. and i think that covers my argument.<br /><br />my recent status:<br />no money<br />no weed<br />no cigarettes<br />BUT(only till tmrw:) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:23824 2004-10-07T06:21:24Z 2004-10-07T06:21:24Z i swear i saw this happen in my past when i saw it this time. it just makes me wonder exactly WHAT happend and why. how? i just don't understand and my own problems are causing that.<br /><br />and the resin made me feel sick. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:23742 2004-10-06T20:34:47Z 2004-10-06T20:34:47Z random thoughts-<br />smoking weed is impairing my abilities. i need to cut it down a little. and less buying=more money.<br /><br />got 2 of my friends jobs with me. yay!<br /><br />m doesn't need to be big so no comment.<br /><br />yeah, i am. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:23305 2004-10-04T08:22:10Z 2004-10-04T08:22:10Z me n josh made a tight stoner cake. he baked it and i decorated it.it's a round chocolate cake with ridges and its glazed with vanilla iceing and after the freezer for a little while i put a whole layer of chocolate whipped iceing. the shit was fuckin good. oh yeah and i put white and green sprinkles on it. thought about some tight shake leaves but what if his dad came home early?<br />yeah he's gone. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:23266 2004-10-03T03:38:00Z 2004-10-03T03:38:00Z so fucking sick of being looked down on. is it my age? has no one else been 17? and then that doesn't even make sense bc i think ive been thru a few more things than an average 17 year old. so to everyone who wants to worry about if i have school the next day and if im out too late or if i should or shouldnt be doing something FUCK YOU. cuz im sick of it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:22836 2004-10-03T03:29:59Z 2004-10-03T03:29:59Z hey if anyone needs a job go to www.sbarro.com. just fill out the application and email it. you should do it by like next friday bc he wants to hire people real soon. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:22651 2004-09-29T20:10:02Z 2004-09-29T20:10:02Z coheed k ill do this so im not bored.<br /><br /><br />R.I.G.H.T.N.O.W. <br />WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?:blue and yellow(ducks)<br />WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?:frosty<br />WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?:nice, kinda cold in my room<br />HOW ARE YOU?:hungover, sad<br /><br />D.O.Y.O.U. <br />GET MOTION SICKNESS?:yes<br />HAVE ANY BAD HABITS?:yeah a few<br />GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?:i keep my distance<br />LIKE TO DRIVE?: i thought it was fun the 3 times i actually did<br />H.A.V.E.Y.O.U. <br />BROKEN THE LAW: YES<br />RAN AWAY FROM HOME: NO<br />SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: nooooo<br />EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING:yep<br />MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: haha yep<br />EVER TIPPED OVER A PORT-O-POTTY: nah<br />USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE:not without permission <br />SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: um....yes!<br />FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: i don't believe so<br />BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: yeah treasure island at loudon<br /><br />L.O.V.E. <br />BOYFRIEND:yeah josh<br />GIRLFRIEND: <br />CHILDREN: um no<br />CURRENT CRUSH: <br /><br />R.A.N.D.O.M. <br />DO YOU HAVE A JOB?: yes<br />YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: the new used, the old used, coheed<br />IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: grey<br /><br />W.H.A.T.W.A.S.T.H.E.L.A.S.T. <br />E-MAIL YOU GOT: something from a 33 year old. scary shit<br />TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: trading spouses with cj and brandy last night<br />MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: i dunno something gay for 50 cents<br /><br />01. What name do you go by? vanessa<br />02. What is, and do you live up to the traditional description of your Sign of the Zodiac?that shits gay cuz im both gemini and taurus. stupid bullshit<br />03. What is your job description? server/cashier<br />04. What do you really do at work? sweat and give asshole people their food and listen to people who think theyre better<br />05. What is the best job you have ever had? i dunno<br />07. What parts of the world are in your bloodline? i dunno<br />08. Describe a dream or a nightmare that you remember vividly. i dunno<br />10. What is your earliest memory? i remember when my huge fish jumped out of it's tank and my mom almost stepped on it.<br />11. What is the first thing that ever had a huge impact on your life? i dunno whatever the fuck my mom did while i was in her belly<br />13. What is the most worthy thing you have ever purchased? probably something for someone else cuz i have nothing to show<br />14. What is the most useless thing you have ever purchased? water your not supposed to buy that<br />15. Are you vain? im sure everyone is so i guess<br />16. Do you believe you have ever experienced a wormhole (directly or indirectly)? i dunno thats wierd<br />18. What makes you cry? a lot of things-when there's all kinds of emotions i just cant handle<br />19. What puts you in a state of awe? the ocean, music<br />20. What is the most surreal experience you have ever had on any type of drug? yaying<br />23. Do you believe the philosophy that we are all truly alone in our own minds? yeah sounds right<br />28. Describe a school-time memory. i remember falling in the mud on the playground on having to walk all the way to the office drenched in wet, muddy gross stuff<br />30. Do you re-read books? i dont READ books<br />31. What makes you nervous? everything<br />32. What are your phobias? i dunno<br />33. Do you have any siblings? yeah chassy is my half sister then i guess my dad has a son and daughter but ive never met em<br /><br />What is your most overused phrase? i dunno<br />What is the last image/thought you have before you go to sleep? probably a swirling image/thought process of mikes hard lemonade, puking, and food i had just ate<br />What is your method for eating M&Ms? i stick my hand in the bag or poor them out and eat em-no more than like 3 at a time<br />What did you do during recess and who did you hang out with in third grade? i played teather ball or made some necklaces with flowers. i hung out with some friends-cj, erica t., i dunno thats a long time ago<br />What is the most extreme thing you would do for one million dollars, tax free? i dunno<br />Choose anywhere on the planet to be marooned for one month alone. Where is it? some nice beach<br />Where would you least want to be marooned for a month alone? antarctica<br />Describe your life in the form of 10 chapter titles for your autobiography. <br />1-vanessa's parents and how she came about<br />2-growing up with a skitso<br />3-mom's insane druggie dad wanna be boyfriends<br />4-high school<br />5-the first love<br />6-trauma(the suicide spree)<br />7-grandma<br />8-josh and jacob<br />9-the white trash house<br />10-focusing and growing urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:22278 2004-09-29T19:21:14Z 2004-09-29T19:21:14Z the used "cut up angels" what do you think about the new used cd? it seems reeeaal popy to me. first one is why i liked em urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:22188 2004-09-29T17:49:14Z 2004-09-29T17:49:14Z the sound of the fan -about last night<br /> *i puked<br /> *i don't have any cigarettes<br /> *i don't have any weed<br /> *i barely have any money<br /> *i dont't even wanna think about mike's hard lemonade(even tho that's not what i drank)ew i feel sick again...<br /> *puking means a few things aren't happening<br /><br />+about last night<br /> *we left before the puking set in<br /> *it's finally 1 year for me and josh<br /> *i have don perico left overs<br /> *i have vodka left overs<br /> *i FINALLY got drunk<br /> *i got to stay home for a ligit reason, i was "sick" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:21818 2004-09-26T03:57:56Z 2004-09-26T03:57:56Z the used wow im real stoned right after work. long day. i haven't eaten AT ALL. fuck!<br /><br />yeah im sad. i just don't know what to do right now. maybe later.<br /><br />stonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnneed<br /> tonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnee<br /> onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnne<br /> nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn<br /> nnnnnnnnnnnnnnn<br /> nnnnnnnnnnnnn<br /> nnnnnnnnnnn<br /> nnnnnnnnn<br /> nnnnnnn<br /> nnnnn<br /> nnn<br /> n<br />looks crazy when your stoned. starts to look like little chickies to me. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:21646 2004-09-23T20:43:16Z 2004-09-23T20:43:16Z some sort of buzzing i don't want to take anyone else's place. i want to be my own. i want to have my own. why do i always have to be wrong? there's always some long drawn out explanation from you saying why i am. i swear to god it's not even worth it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:21484 2004-09-23T18:44:57Z 2004-09-23T18:44:57Z Now this is a story all about how<br />my life got flipped turned upside down<br />and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there<br />I'll tell you how I become the prince of a town called Bel Air<br /><br />In west Toronto born and raised<br />on the playground is where I spent most of my days<br />chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool<br />and all shootin' some b ball outside of the school<br />when a couple of guys who were up to no good<br />started makin' trouble in my neighborhood<br />I got in one little fight and my mon scared<br />and said you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air<br />I begged and pleaded with her day after day<br />but she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way<br />she give me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket<br />put my walkman on and said I might as well kick it<br />first class yo this is bad<br />drinkin' orange juice out of a champagne glass<br />is this what the people of Bel-Air live like<br />hmmm...this might be all right<br />but wait I hear they're prissy ???? and all that<br />is this the type of place that they should send this cool cat<br />I don't think so I'll see when I get there<br />I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air<br /><br />Well uh the plane landed and when I came out<br />there was a dude looked like a cop standin' there with my name out<br />I ain't tryin' to get arrested yet I just got here<br />I sprang with the quickness like lightening disappeared<br />I whistled for a cab and when it came near<br />the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror<br />if anything I could say that this cab was rare<br />but I thought man forget it yo holmes to Bel-Air<br /><br />I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8<br />and I yelled to the cabbie yo holmes smell ya later<br />looked at my kingdom I was finally there<br />to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:21122 2004-09-20T20:57:59Z 2004-09-20T20:57:59Z i think mrs. detloff needs to rethink her teaching tactic. being bitchy, sarcastic and just flat out mean to students is not a very good thing. esp. with teens that are bitchy, sarcastic and flat out mean. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:20743 2004-09-19T16:47:53Z 2004-09-19T16:47:53Z like the pic? snaps to gary! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:20554 2004-09-19T16:24:21Z 2004-09-19T16:24:21Z i miss my nephew. he's probably growing up and i dont even know it. i miss my sister too. i love her. no matter what she's done. lol<br /><br />im going to puerto vallarta and that's the best thing ever. fun stuff.<br /><br />sorry for being a bitch. im fucked up. i know. what can ya do?<br /><br />it's early. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:20225 2004-09-17T00:20:29Z 2004-09-17T00:20:29Z REJECTED that's my life story urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:19982 2004-09-13T02:11:27Z 2004-09-13T02:11:27Z said im too uptight. imagine that. people have told me that my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE. thanks. i know. cant help it. im glad that people point out my bad points. whats something good? do that for a change.<br /><br />im tiiiired. being the #1 combo seller at work is hard. haha! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:19846 2004-09-12T09:46:14Z 2004-09-12T09:46:14Z i realized why i like lj. bc its like a therapist. you tell em everything, get nothing back except a neutral ear. <br />i figure theres something REALLY wrong. it needs to be fixed. whatever it is. i dunno but it hit me tonight. it's just not normal.<br />i love "its". it's a good generalization. <br />im stoned. im tired. im a lot more. but im so sick of emo.<br /><br />i decided again today to be a nurse. who knows.<br /><br />aw i have good plans for the anniv. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:19515 2004-09-09T23:47:05Z 2004-09-09T23:47:05Z strangling would work. ripping the head off. squeezed lifeless. <br /><br />29 days left and i feel im at a negative 365,781. cry.<br /><br />bored. tired.<br /><br />hate for me. hate for me. hate for me. hate for me hate for me. hate for me. hate for you.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />i always just go back. dont you know that? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:19403 2004-09-08T20:42:57Z 2004-09-08T20:42:57Z work experience. we sit and talk about experiences at work. woo. fun. but i get 6th and 7th excused so why not. eeeeee...school's a thing now. damn.<br /><br />i just try to forget. not think about it. avoid it. whatever it takes. you know the method that fucks you over in the end.<br /><br />need laptop. some internet access hopefully achievable.<br /><br />fuck im tired. peace<br /><br />. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azuldream05:18967 2004-09-05T13:18:00Z 2004-09-05T13:18:00Z hurt beyond belief. i'm stranded. what the fuck to do. i don't know. feel like shit. everything i gave. everything that was taken. never gave back. can't stand it. drives me crazy. insane. i knew it was going to happen. but i shouldn't have knew it. and it shouldn't of happend. fuck things ever getting better. they just get worse and people make it even more worse. pain. like i never knew before. has to be experienced i guess. wish not. wish it was still the same. may never change. MAY. PROBABLY. KIND OF. NOT SURE. STABILITY fucking god please. i just want to cry. run and make it better. it'd be easier if i could just blame myself again. i could fix it then. and now everyone knows that I AM STUPID. and obviously not enough.<br /><br />"the endless sleep awaits"<br />ha. really does. can't fucking WAIT!