emo diary bullshit

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 20:26:11 GMT

ummm...
scraped my pipe the other day and the resin wiped off in one stroke. it was crazy.

bought some weed. lot. good...

i hate live journal now. its gay.

PEACE

Mon, 11 Oct 2004 06:11:20 GMT

it's great to be forgetfull. i've found money 3 times in the past 2 days!

Sun, 10 Oct 2004 17:12:22 GMT

what the fuck is up with joshs mom vacuuming at 9 am RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY DOOR. Maybe she's trying to get back at us bc we've possibly woken her up late at night? Hey everyone, don't be anal, sleep with your door CLOSED and you won't be disturbed. FUCK! I can never sleep in!

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 20:02:48 GMT

spa made me better ;) hopefully ill still be ok at work.

seems like im screwing everything up. im just a screw up. i dunno what to do. so...ill just screw up more. yeah?

jealousy. respect. trust. ISSUES.

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 22:11:50 GMT

whoa i didnt even plan for any of that to happen. and i think that covers my argument.

my recent status:
no money
no weed
no cigarettes
BUT(only till tmrw:)

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 06:21:24 GMT

i swear i saw this happen in my past when i saw it this time. it just makes me wonder exactly WHAT happend and why. how? i just don't understand and my own problems are causing that.

and the resin made me feel sick.

random thoughts

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 20:34:47 GMT

random thoughts-
smoking weed is impairing my abilities. i need to cut it down a little. and less buying=more money.

got 2 of my friends jobs with me. yay!

m doesn't need to be big so no comment.

yeah, i am.

Mon, 04 Oct 2004 08:22:10 GMT

me n josh made a tight stoner cake. he baked it and i decorated it.it's a round chocolate cake with ridges and its glazed with vanilla iceing and after the freezer for a little while i put a whole layer of chocolate whipped iceing. the shit was fuckin good. oh yeah and i put white and green sprinkles on it. thought about some tight shake leaves but what if his dad came home early?
yeah he's gone.

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 03:38:00 GMT

so fucking sick of being looked down on. is it my age? has no one else been 17? and then that doesn't even make sense bc i think ive been thru a few more things than an average 17 year old. so to everyone who wants to worry about if i have school the next day and if im out too late or if i should or shouldnt be doing something FUCK YOU. cuz im sick of it.

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 03:29:59 GMT

hey if anyone needs a job go to www.sbarro.com. just fill out the application and email it. you should do it by like next friday bc he wants to hire people real soon.

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 20:10:02 GMT

k ill do this so im not bored.

R.I.G.H.T.N.O.W.
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?:blue and yellow(ducks)
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?:frosty
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?:nice, kinda cold in my room
HOW ARE YOU?:hungover, sad

D.O.Y.O.U.
GET MOTION SICKNESS?:yes
HAVE ANY BAD HABITS?:yeah a few
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?:i keep my distance
LIKE TO DRIVE?: i thought it was fun the 3 times i actually did
H.A.V.E.Y.O.U.
BROKEN THE LAW: YES
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: NO
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: nooooo
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING:yep
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: haha yep
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORT-O-POTTY: nah
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE:not without permission
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: um....yes!
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: i don't believe so
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: yeah treasure island at loudon

L.O.V.E.
BOYFRIEND:yeah josh
GIRLFRIEND:
CHILDREN: um no
CURRENT CRUSH:

R.A.N.D.O.M.
DO YOU HAVE A JOB?: yes
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: the new used, the old used, coheed
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: grey

W.H.A.T.W.A.S.T.H.E.L.A.S.T.
E-MAIL YOU GOT: something from a 33 year old. scary shit
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: trading spouses with cj and brandy last night
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: i dunno something gay for 50 cents

01. What name do you go by? vanessa
02. What is, and do you live up to the traditional description of your Sign of the Zodiac?that shits gay cuz im both gemini and taurus. stupid bullshit
03. What is your job description? server/cashier
04. What do you really do at work? sweat and give asshole people their food and listen to people who think theyre better
05. What is the best job you have ever had? i dunno
07. What parts of the world are in your bloodline? i dunno
08. Describe a dream or a nightmare that you remember vividly. i dunno
10. What is your earliest memory? i remember when my huge fish jumped out of it's tank and my mom almost stepped on it.
11. What is the first thing that ever had a huge impact on your life? i dunno whatever the fuck my mom did while i was in her belly
13. What is the most worthy thing you have ever purchased? probably something for someone else cuz i have nothing to show
14. What is the most useless thing you have ever purchased? water your not supposed to buy that
15. Are you vain? im sure everyone is so i guess
16. Do you believe you have ever experienced a wormhole (directly or indirectly)? i dunno thats wierd
18. What makes you cry? a lot of things-when there's all kinds of emotions i just cant handle
19. What puts you in a state of awe? the ocean, music
20. What is the most surreal experience you have ever had on any type of drug? yaying
23. Do you believe the philosophy that we are all truly alone in our own minds? yeah sounds right
28. Describe a school-time memory. i remember falling in the mud on the playground on having to walk all the way to the office drenched in wet, muddy gross stuff
30. Do you re-read books? i dont READ books
31. What makes you nervous? everything
32. What are your phobias? i dunno
33. Do you have any siblings? yeah chassy is my half sister then i guess my dad has a son and daughter but ive never met em

What is your most overused phrase? i dunno
What is the last image/thought you have before you go to sleep? probably a swirling image/thought process of mikes hard lemonade, puking, and food i had just ate
What is your method for eating M&Ms? i stick my hand in the bag or poor them out and eat em-no more than like 3 at a time
What did you do during recess and who did you hang out with in third grade? i played teather ball or made some necklaces with flowers. i hung out with some friends-cj, erica t., i dunno thats a long time ago
What is the most extreme thing you would do for one million dollars, tax free? i dunno
Choose anywhere on the planet to be marooned for one month alone. Where is it? some nice beach
Where would you least want to be marooned for a month alone? antarctica
Describe your life in the form of 10 chapter titles for your autobiography.
1-vanessa's parents and how she came about
2-growing up with a skitso
3-mom's insane druggie dad wanna be boyfriends
4-high school
5-the first love
6-trauma(the suicide spree)
7-grandma
8-josh and jacob
9-the white trash house
10-focusing and growing

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 19:21:14 GMT

what do you think about the new used cd? it seems reeeaal popy to me. first one is why i liked em

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 17:49:14 GMT

-about last night
*i puked
*i don't have any cigarettes
*i don't have any weed
*i barely have any money
*i dont't even wanna think about mike's hard lemonade(even tho that's not what i drank)ew i feel sick again...
*puking means a few things aren't happening

+about last night
*we left before the puking set in
*it's finally 1 year for me and josh
*i have don perico left overs
*i have vodka left overs
*i FINALLY got drunk
*i got to stay home for a ligit reason, i was "sick"

Sun, 26 Sep 2004 03:57:56 GMT

wow im real stoned right after work. long day. i haven't eaten AT ALL. fuck!

yeah im sad. i just don't know what to do right now. maybe later.

stonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnneed
tonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnee
onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnne
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
nnnnnnnnnnnnn
nnnnnnnnnnn
nnnnnnnnn
nnnnnnn
nnnnn
nnn
n
looks crazy when your stoned. starts to look like little chickies to me.

Thu, 23 Sep 2004 20:43:16 GMT

i don't want to take anyone else's place. i want to be my own. i want to have my own. why do i always have to be wrong? there's always some long drawn out explanation from you saying why i am. i swear to god it's not even worth it.

Thu, 23 Sep 2004 18:44:57 GMT

Now this is a story all about how
my life got flipped turned upside down
and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I become the prince of a town called Bel Air

In west Toronto born and raised
on the playground is where I spent most of my days
chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
and all shootin' some b ball outside of the school
when a couple of guys who were up to no good
started makin' trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mon scared
and said you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air
I begged and pleaded with her day after day
but she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way
she give me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket
put my walkman on and said I might as well kick it
first class yo this is bad
drinkin' orange juice out of a champagne glass
is this what the people of Bel-Air live like
hmmm...this might be all right
but wait I hear they're prissy ???? and all that
is this the type of place that they should send this cool cat
I don't think so I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air

Well uh the plane landed and when I came out
there was a dude looked like a cop standin' there with my name out
I ain't tryin' to get arrested yet I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightening disappeared
I whistled for a cab and when it came near
the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
if anything I could say that this cab was rare
but I thought man forget it yo holmes to Bel-Air

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
and I yelled to the cabbie yo holmes smell ya later
looked at my kingdom I was finally there
to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air

Mon, 20 Sep 2004 20:57:59 GMT

i think mrs. detloff needs to rethink her teaching tactic. being bitchy, sarcastic and just flat out mean to students is not a very good thing. esp. with teens that are bitchy, sarcastic and flat out mean.

Sun, 19 Sep 2004 16:47:53 GMT

like the pic? snaps to gary!

Sun, 19 Sep 2004 16:24:21 GMT

i miss my nephew. he's probably growing up and i dont even know it. i miss my sister too. i love her. no matter what she's done. lol

im going to puerto vallarta and that's the best thing ever. fun stuff.

sorry for being a bitch. im fucked up. i know. what can ya do?

it's early.

Fri, 17 Sep 2004 00:20:29 GMT

REJECTED that's my life story

Mon, 13 Sep 2004 02:11:27 GMT

said im too uptight. imagine that. people have told me that my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE. thanks. i know. cant help it. im glad that people point out my bad points. whats something good? do that for a change.

im tiiiired. being the #1 combo seller at work is hard. haha!

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 09:46:14 GMT

i realized why i like lj. bc its like a therapist. you tell em everything, get nothing back except a neutral ear.
i figure theres something REALLY wrong. it needs to be fixed. whatever it is. i dunno but it hit me tonight. it's just not normal.
i love "its". it's a good generalization.
im stoned. im tired. im a lot more. but im so sick of emo.

i decided again today to be a nurse. who knows.

aw i have good plans for the anniv.

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 23:47:05 GMT

strangling would work. ripping the head off. squeezed lifeless.

29 days left and i feel im at a negative 365,781. cry.

bored. tired.

hate for me. hate for me. hate for me. hate for me hate for me. hate for me. hate for you.

i always just go back. dont you know that?

Wed, 08 Sep 2004 20:42:57 GMT

work experience. we sit and talk about experiences at work. woo. fun. but i get 6th and 7th excused so why not. eeeeee...school's a thing now. damn.

i just try to forget. not think about it. avoid it. whatever it takes. you know the method that fucks you over in the end.

need laptop. some internet access hopefully achievable.

fuck im tired. peace

.

Sun, 05 Sep 2004 13:18:00 GMT

hurt beyond belief. i'm stranded. what the fuck to do. i don't know. feel like shit. everything i gave. everything that was taken. never gave back. can't stand it. drives me crazy. insane. i knew it was going to happen. but i shouldn't have knew it. and it shouldn't of happend. fuck things ever getting better. they just get worse and people make it even more worse. pain. like i never knew before. has to be experienced i guess. wish not. wish it was still the same. may never change. MAY. PROBABLY. KIND OF. NOT SURE. STABILITY fucking god please. i just want to cry. run and make it better. it'd be easier if i could just blame myself again. i could fix it then. and now everyone knows that I AM STUPID. and obviously not enough.

"the endless sleep awaits"
ha. really does. can't fucking WAIT!